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April 15, 2009
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(Contains: violence/gore, strong language and ideologically sensitive material)
I remember...

I remember the day I was born, the first thing I ever felt: it was cold,  not anymore in my home...
I remember my father and mother looking at me for the very first time, too tired to pay attention...
I remember playing in a park with my parent´s, and my mother with a big big belly...
I remember playing with my diapers and my father...
I remember the day I was left to my grandma´s babysit, my mother was bringing me a companion for life, my brother...
I remember the day my parent´s stopped giving me milk as often as my brother...
I remember the first time I drank on a glass...
I remember teaching my little brother how to make bubbles with soap, telling him: "softly, more softly...not that softly....no, wait, don´t get mad, you´ll soon learn how to make this bubbles!"...
I remember going to a strange place, with metal moving objects and a man calling himself our father, my first attempts of anger...
I remember taking my brother in my shoulders...
I remember my parent´s fighting, again, and hearing a glass breaking...
I remember the day my father´s family kicked out of our house and going to sleep with my grandmother...
I remember my abnormal fear to death...
I remember my 4rth moving, the heavy boxes...
I remember trying to do my homework and studying...
I remember my mother gone almost nuts and hitting us, every day..
I remember being trapped in my bedroom, with no food, no bathroom, no seeing anyone, not talking...just for a day...
I remember getting used to my parent´s fights...
I remember my classmates laughing at me and calling me "freak" ´till I started crying...
I remember my brother, growing stronger and taller...
I remember my first 2 attempts of suicide...
I remember noticing, for the first time, how all my uncles and aunts, cousins and grandparents, didn´t like me...
I remember the first time my brother hit me...
I remember my mother calling me "how is that you are so Stupid?!"
I remember my mother breaking a wooden ruler in my little brother´s hands...
I remember my mother yelling at me because I got assaulted in the street and lost her cell phone...
I remember the day I found out the real world, all the evil things in it...
I remember the 7th moving, my mother furious again...
I remember how did I learnt to block my mother´s belt and hands, and protecting my little brother whenever she tried to discharge her rage on us...
I remember my brother calling me "fucking whore!"...
I remember taking my father´s Colt and pointing at myself with it, my third attempt of suicide...
I remembered the first time I ever hurted myself so bad, just for hiding my strong heartaches...
I remember when I started with sadomasochist tendencies…
I remember lying on the floor, almost unconscious, with the biggest heartache of all...
I remember the day that some of my classmates said they were in love with me, lied and made fun of me...
I remember my brother, growing even more taller and stronger, I can´t control him anymore...
I remember the 13th moving and my now demacrated mother...
I remember seeing a man with an axe in the middle of his face, in the urgency room, back then in a hospital, with a twisted ankle...
I remember having this world of mine, full of dreams, and my teachers and classmates complaining about my "lost-in-dreams" behavior...
I remember being alone in my bedroom, wanting nothing but to be death...
I remember developing my tendence to talk myself in third person...alone...
I remember noticing I am a failure at tramit stuff...
I remember my family calling me "death lover" and threatening me...
I remember the first time I disappointed my father...
I remember when I started my learning of psychology and start applying it with my classmates...
I remember the first time I heard a talk about wars and politics...
I remember I tried making the open system and for time reasons, had to do it all over in the normal system...
I remember studying serial killers, and having a book with that info...
I remember the time I felt so bad that I swore never, but never, feel an emotion  for me again (and I have kept my word)...
I remember seeing my dreams, all gone to hell...
I remember start playing with my family´s and classmates minds...
I remember stop taking importance to pain and suffering, in all ways...
I remember when I discovered that I enjoy, more than usual, making animal dissections...
I remember the day I lost my innocence and stop dreaming, losing almost all hopes, in things like love and goodness...

Still, I also remember: "There is a God, and those things that doesn´t kill us, can only make us stronger"...
And, after 17 years from being born, I remember myself every time: "Hope is the last thing that we can loose, if it happens, never, never forget your name..."
So, I don´t want to forget any of this....Never....
yes, it is strong, but unfortunately true...
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:iconjeromerh:
jeromerh Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2011   Artist
What can I say???? Forgive me for all the pain that I've caused you. But I can tell you also that you are what I love the most over the world and in the life as well as your brother.
Reply
:iconmorphangel:
Morphangel Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
I know daddy, I love you too! but hey, Iīve grown, I am not that much immature girl from then...anyway, I still have dark tendencies, controlled so far...hope they never flourish as I wanted to...itīs ok, you have been the one who has made me nearly no harm in this sense, so I can easily forgive you, after all, Iīve grown enough to forgive, but not to forget...
Please dad, donīt let me be an anchor to your boat, please, you are free to go out and seek new and nice places, Iīll manage my own things...I love you too daddy.."with the fingers and the cheese" XD <3
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:iconrelikstheblue:
relikstheblue Featured By Owner May 8, 2009
Wow Just Wow... i feel that pain totally
Reply
:iconmorphangel:
Morphangel Featured By Owner May 10, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah, thank´s for understanding, and commenting...
Have a nice life.
Reply
:iconrelikstheblue:
relikstheblue Featured By Owner May 10, 2009
well I'll try as long as you try as well ;)
Reply
:iconmorphangel:
Morphangel Featured By Owner May 10, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
I swear I will!
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:iconrelikstheblue:
relikstheblue Featured By Owner May 10, 2009
Good :)
Reply
:iconprincefleaswallow:
PrinceFleaswallow Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2009
Hey morphAngel I have read everysingle word in your little prose and might I say it is very strong and imposing to me because I have felt some of those pains as you have going into those years at school ,because I felt to myself feeling like I'm from another planet different some of the others.
Honestly keep on Finding a good spot to your life while it make take a long time it shall be worth the effort to make it out their and to keep believe there is some hope will make us live in full filling peace.
Reply
:iconmorphangel:
Morphangel Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
ooohh! Thank you! this certainly cheers me up! And I will listen to you...
Reply
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